Who am I...around?

Sea Change Council

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Coaching E-Med: #009

WEEK 09:      Who am I…around?

Have you ever noticed how some people can fill a room with positive vibrations and energy just by walking through the door, and others, well they have a way of draining the magic out of almost any situation without even opening their mouths?

I find it fascinating to recognize just how much of our daily lives is governed by our own fluctuating energies and our interactions with the vibrations of others. And for the most part I believe the difference between the two camps is simply that some people have decided to be happy. Regardless of what life throws at them.

Reminds me of a quote I read recently:

“Some people feel the rain, others just get wet.” ~ Bob Marley

As a student of “Exceptional Living” or the seeker of an “Extra-Ordinary Life”, one of our top goals should be to surround ourselves with the people who “feel the rain”. People that are vibrant, unique, dynamic and full of life will enhance our own experiences and challenge us to reach new personal heights.  If you want to be a better tennis player it helps to play with people that are better than you, people that can challenge you and teach you how to improve your game. Well that’s the same concept we want to carry into our daily lives…we want to find, attract and be around those that challenge us to play a better game.

Jim Rohn states in one of his programs that we become the cumulative average of the 5 people we hang around most. I’m not sure his statement is entirely true, however it is quite useful in gaging or forecasting our behavior in several areas of life. For example if our closest friends typically spend their leisure time camping, chances are pretty good we are going to be doing some camping too. If they read a lot or go to baseball games, probabilities are increasingly strong that we will assimilate a similar type of behavior. By the same token, if we are hanging around with people that consistently over eat or complain, live paycheck to paycheck, cheat on their taxes or even steal, chances are we will eventually not only accept it, but usually act in a similar manner.

Why? Simply stated it’s because, we begin to adjust our standards of what’s normal or acceptable behavior based on the peer pressure or the influence given and gained by our closest human contacts.  (And repetition is the mother of skill)

In order to combat this subtle assault upon the life of our dreams, we must begin to pay close attention. We must become vigilant and stand as the guardians of our own thoughts and minds, of our own habits and of the influence of our own circle of family and friends. We should constantly ask ourselves the following questions:

Who am I…around?

What is that person doing to/for me? And is that ok?

(And perhaps we should also ask: What am I doing to/for them? And is that ok?)

Remember the ole adage: If you lay down with dogs you wake up with fleas. (Apologizes to my canine friends, as the truth is we can probably all benefit from time in your company fleas or not ;) The point is…

Nobody wants fleas…and while the process of eliminating some of the “dogs” in your life can be painful it is certainly a worthwhile endeavor. I understand it can be hard to implement when some of the people you need to limit or eliminate are in your own family or close circle of friends but your reward is delightfully grand, almost immediate and always awaiting your action.

I personally find it useful to categorize my personal contacts in this area a bit and while it may sound a little rough at first, I believe it important to adapt a similar structure for an “Exceptional Life”.

1. Those I need to Limit my time around – Negative relatives and friends, naysayers, critics, pessimists and people with bad habits, low personal standards, low expectations, low morals, losers….some people it’s ok to spend an hour with, but not a day.

2. Those I need to Eliminate from my life – Morally bankrupt, evil or corrupt, unwilling to listen, learn or try anything new, they just cause pain and grief - life’s to short

3. Those I need to Increase my time around – Identify those souls that are operating at the highest level, from their heart or in a fashion that you’d like to adopt as your own or that you’d like to teach and bring along on your journey.

As stated earlier, I believe one of the top priorities for Exceptional Living is to find, attract and surround yourself with like-minded individuals that are committed to the same ideals and values you hold. (While simultaneously eliminating or limiting your time with those negative forces)

Search for those people that are heading in the direction you want to go or that have already arrived. Look for those with a life whereby you create your own destiny through gratitude, service, abundance and a focused intention and attention to the details and results you are achieving.

Surround yourself with those individuals that are committed to living a life of love, of peace, of happiness, of serenity, creativity and contribution or of your own choosing. Find those people that believe in the beauty of their dreams and support you and the vision quest of your own dreams. Do this and I believe you will, (to paraphrase Thoreau) ...live a life that most will only dream of.

Namaste”

This Week’s Coach’s Challenge:

Choose whom you spend your time with wisely!

PS…..I spend a lot of time with books and great mentors on audio discs…..and I believe this counts towards my average……do you?

Until our next session,

Teach Peace, Practice Tolerance and Promote Love!

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Sea Change Council

Find Your Voice

Sea Change Council

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Coaching E-Med: 008

WEEK 08:      Find Your Voice

Everyone is different. In fact, every thing is different. There are no two things that are the same.  And just as every atom or snowflake is unique, so is every human. We each have our own unique chemical make-up; our own specific genetic traits and individualized ancestries, our own environmental stimuli and lifestyle choices and each of these factors has shaped and molded us into who we are today. And we are all necessary. YOU are necessary!  Your actions count and your voice matters.

One of the basic tenements of Successful Living is given to us by Socrates:

                                    Gnothi Seauton or “Know Thyself “

And one of the most rewarding challenges on our journey through self-discovery is finding our own voice: Learning to trust our own instincts and listening to our own inner guidance system. Learning to rely on the input of others but guided solely by our own discretion.  In other words learning to take advice but not orders for how to live our lives, and taking complete responsibility for our actions and their consequences. That’s what “Successful Living” is all about!

So if I may be so bold as to use my voice and offer up a little advice, or that same rewarding challenge, that I was given many years ago… (that I’m still working on today) 

And that challenge is: To Find Your Voice and use it: to discover your own unique gifts, talents and reasons for being here and then to share them with the world.

I believe that every single one of us has a very real reason or definite purpose for being here, and even more specifically, at this particular time and place. And only you can deliver the message that is you. Perhaps you choose to come or you were called into being at this point because you are exactly what the world requires. Perhaps you are the “John Conner” of your future and you do matter.

Perhaps your contribution to the planet is as vital to the process as any. No matter how large or small that contribution may seem to you in this moment. I mean every snowflake matters...it might be a specific one that causes an avalanche but it couldn’t have done its “ground breaking” work with out all the others.

After all, aren’t we all just basically chemical reactions manifesting within a quantum soup of unbridled potentiality.

Who’s to say which of those reactions is more important than the other. I suggest they are all equally important. That we are all equally important as human beings, and that all living beings are equally as important to each other.  In fact, in my opinion All Life is equally as important. I also suggest that it takes each of these chemical reactions to raise up a subject like a Steve Jobs or a Leonardo Da Vinci.

Men (and women) like these are held up as models of excellence in human achievement, and rightly so, and while it appears on the surface that their contribution to the planet is far greater than any of the countless millions that have fallen along the way side or amounted to “nothing” by the end of their journey.(“*”in current cultural terms). I’m not alone in suggesting that the advances and gifts, that these individuals offered the world, were predicated by all that have come before.

As Sir Isaac said:

                  If I’ve seen further than others it’s because I’ve stood on the shoulders of Giants

                                                                        ~ Sir Isaac Newton

Those Giants were standing on the combined history of all mankind…as are you.

Recently I was working with a client and they were discussing how insignificant they felt at times in the grand scheme of things. I mean if you really think about it we are just a small group of miniscule little organisms, living on a tiny speck of dirt, spinning around in a vast sea of space, inside a dynamic universe, floating in an ever expanding quantum soup of limitless possibilities.

And yet, here you are. Alive and able to adapt and respond to your universe. Able to think and feel and reason and wonder.  Able to create and dream and imagine and inspire. You have come to be here at this time and place….Do you ever wonder why?

I think it’s quite healthy to think about such things and to look at life from this perspective at times. It can certainly take the sting out of a lot of minor issues when used as a tool to keep life in perspective. I also find it useful and perhaps even necessary for Successful Living to be able to adopt varied perspectives including one more reflective of the monistic side of our nature – or our “oneness” and connection with all things and our interdependence to each other and our world.

I believe we are all connected and what we do to ourselves we do to others. And by that logic we are also quite relevant, what we do and how we act is vitally important – BECAUSE it also affects others.

You have an impact. Your actions can make a big difference and you are influencing (and hopefully inspiring) others with every step you take…whether you know it or not.

Another key note here is to make sure your using your own voice and not just mimicking others. You came into the world as an original, don’t die as a carbon copy. Express yourself – follow your heart - say what you mean – be honest – stand up for what you believe in – no one else can offer exactly what you have to offer so the next time you have the opportunity to do so….speak up – get up – stand up  - stand up for your rights – ja”  - oops I digress… ;)

Remember, all that evil needs to triumph is for good people to be silent or do nothing.  

Don’t let that be you.

This Week’s Coach’s Challenge:

                        Find Your Voice. Use it.

PS….The world needs you NOW, not when you’re perfect ;)

Until our next session,

Teach Peace, Practice Tolerance and Promote Love!

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Sea Change Council

Milan Vasic

CEO/Results Coach/Business Consultant

Sea Change Council & Coaching

323-574-4561

The 7 Habits

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Coaching E-Med: #007

WEEK 07:      The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

“Come on, lucky 7…come on big daddy, give me a 7……baby needs new shoes…bring on the big money and no whammies”…and with that she superstitiously blew on the bones, rolled them across the velvet and lost her entire month’s paycheck on a crap shoot.”

Gambling is a learned behavior, a conditioned response or habit formed by repetition and emotional intensity, and the character uttering the words above (from a script I’m writing) had certainly formed a deeply conditioned, habitual pattern that was now actually completely controlling her life, everything she did revolved around this one habit, (that had clearly become an addiction) and it dominated everything in her life, including her thoughts, actions and vocabulary.

Not exactly the kind of successful habit we’d want to adopt for an Extraordinary Life.  And certainly not an example of Exceptional Living, at least not in my book. Still this little narrative does point out just how powerful habits can become in our lives.

(Potentially leading us to addiction, disease and even death)

Our current culture seems to thrive on “dirty laundry” and the mass media has done such a job at manipulating the truth and highlighting mostly the negative human condition, that I believe most of us already know which habits we should avoid at all costs. Most of us have a pretty clear understanding of the habits that lead to poverty, addiction, loneliness and disaster. We see and experience them everyday.

I also believe there are many out there that may not know the habits necessary for successful living, as these examples and stories seem to be rather scarce or even non-existent in our current paparazzi culture.

So let’s take a look beyond the 7 deadly sins – beyond the mistakes and bad habits of our forefathers, beyond our current fascination with the perversions and misfortunes of others and reflect upon what is perhaps their opposite...or at least some healthy alternatives to the depths of darkness and despair that conditioning the wrong kinds of habits will bring to fruition in our lives.

Let’s take a look at some habits that can really make a huge, positive impact in our lives and the lives of those around us. Habits that have stood the test of time. Habits that can give us control of our lives and help us set our sails in any direction we choose, regardless of which way the wind is blowing.

Are you ready?                       Good, cause here we go:

 In his brilliant work “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” Stephen Covey lays the groundwork for an Extra-Ordinary Life by teaching us the habits required for effectiveness and productivity.  This happy little Mormon developed a really thought provoking, insightful look into the minds of some of the most productive people on the planet. He studied years of success material and what he calls the “Wisdom Literature” before proposing the 7 Habits, which met with instant success and has prompted dozens of offspring and shoots.

A multimillion copy best seller “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” is my #1 Business and Personal Development Book recommendation of all time for anyone seriously looking to make a significant change in their lives. 

This book will lay the groundwork for a disciplined, productive, rewarding, well lived, Extra-Ordinary Life of your own design.

Any coach or serious student of success, worth their weight in pistachios, has surely studied the works of Dr. Covey. If not, they have some homework to do straight away…

Dr. Covey’s simple approach:

1. Be Proactive – What can you do about it? – Decide and take action toward a specific solution or desired result. Don’t wait for others – do whatever you can now.

2. Begin With the End in Mind – What’s the goal, desired object or outcome. You have to know what you want in order to achieve it. Pick your destination before you start your journey.

3. Put First Things First – What are the most important things in your life? Schedule your priorities instead of prioritizing your schedule. If you’re climbing the ladder of success make sure it’s leaning against the right building – don’t compromise your morals/ethics/values for short term gains. Judas was unhappy for a reason. If working so hard for your family means you never get to see your family, then we need to make a shift in paradigm and/or priority.

4. Think Win-Win – Do both sides benefit from this transaction? Agree to negotiate until both sides are happy or agree to disagree and move on – Good Karma – Be ethical/sustainable/cradle to cradle

5. Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood – Begin with “Active Listening” first – Use the Native American “Talking Stick” – he who has the stick has the floor. The others must only listen, (asking questions only to clarify or further understand – not to defend in anyway) Once the person feels they’ve expressed everything they needed to, you pass the stick. That person will then repeat back what was said, confirming they understand the point of view that was offered and all the important parts. Once that is accomplished then it’s your turn to hold the Talking Stick and speak your mind until you feel understood.

6. Synergize – The idea that the energy of 2 people is far greater than 1+1=2. It’s more likely 1+1=11. (or more) In the same way that the collective power of multiple batteries is far greater than their individual energy, so too humans (and many other species) are capable of “super powers” when they combine their talents and treasures. Use the power of other people and the dynamic, creative exchange that occurs between interactive beings to come up with answers and solutions that could not otherwise be garnered. Use their strengths to improve your own. Build a TEAM of people and an open exchange of ideas and information and let love rule ;)

7. Sharpen the Saw – Don’t get so busy cutting down the tree that you forget to sharpen the saw. Take the time daily/weekly to Re-create – Renew – Reflect – Rest –Plan and prepare for what comes next. Goal setting, scheduling, exercising, recreation, dreaming, planning, thinking – these are all ways we sharpen the saw. Keep the edge by re-evaluating your actions and results on a consistent basis.

I can tell you personally, that once I started adopting these habits, my life began to change dramatically and I’ve never looked back. I feel like I was able to make extraordinary progress in a very short time frame and I’ve found these habits very useful over the years as I’ve come back to them time and time again. I hope you will have a similar experience with their application.

If you’re already familiar with Dr. Covey and the 7 Habits, I’d love to hear your take on them and what’s working for you. What is your favorite habit? Which is the hardest to keep? If you’re not, I’m excited for you and the journey of discovery that awaits your further investigation of these ideas.

Keep in mind…for the purposes of this E-Med I have just briefly described each of the habits in my own view, which can in no way give full justice to the depths of understanding that each of these 7 disciplines carries as a full discourse. This is one of those areas where you really have to do the pushups for yourself.

Read the book, apply the knowledge and reap the rewards!!!

This Week’s Coach’s Challenge:

Read the 7 Habits!  -  (Or listen to it in the car or the next time you clean the house:)

Use the 7 Habits - today… to shape a brighter future.

Start with one habit per day if you’d like – Using your power to focus and act.

Until our next session,

Teach Peace, Practice Tolerance and Promote Love!

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                                                    Sea Change Council

Milan Vasic

CEO/Results Coach/Business Consultant

Sea Change Council & Coaching

323-574-4561